2 pounds!!

Duncan's got a watch cat. Justin and I got that for him and the way it is in his bed it looks like it is watching over him.

HE DID IT!!! He has hit the 2lb mark. We are so excited. We just hope that he holds that weight and gains from here. When we went to see him today, I kept looking at him and thinking he looked a little bigger. Even his head and length look bigger. He loves his tummy still. The nurses keep saying that he is the boss and they do what he wants. The only thing is that they have to put him on his side and back for a little bit each shift so his head doesn't get flat.

Sleepy baby

Justin and I went to see Duncan this evening and he is doing good. They have given him a medicine to help dry the liquid in his lungs. They are hoping it works and that his breathing improves so they can go down on the settings on the breathing machine. He did loose a couple of ounces yesterday and is at 1lb. 13oz. but they think the medicine they gave him did that. It will continue to happen, his weight will go up and down. He is doing really well on his feedings. He is now at 3 cc's every 3 hours. He looks like he is filling out. We hope to see some growth in the next couple of weeks. They only measure them on Sundays.

Justin and I appreciate all the prayers and kind thoughts that everyone sends us. Keep praying for Duncan that his lungs will mature and that the hole in his heart will stay closed. I really feel that Heavenly Father is watching out for him and blessing him in so many ways.

Little Blondie

Duncan is two weeks old and the last few days have been good for him. They have been keeping him on his tummy and just turning his head so it doesn't get flat on one side. Today he is 1lb. 15 oz!! He is close to 2lb!! He is doing well with his feedings and likes to have his binky as he is fed. Today at noon a developmental specialist was watching him as the nurse did her rounds. She was checking to see how he reacted to touch and what he did as he was fed. He opened his eyes and was looking at me and Nana. He smiled a little too. She said he was doing all the things that he was supposed to be doing. They also look to see if they are too tired and what the nurses need to do to make sure he doesn't get too tired.

Justin and I went back this evening just in time for another feeding. He was so squirmy. He likes to move a lot. Earlier he had rolled off the little blanket roll they have him laying on, he was quickly put back on and secured a little more.

He was happy to hear his daddy's voice and even smiled for him a little too. He likes to keep his hands close to his face, and he will even suck on his fingers, like he is doing in the picture. And look at all that blonde hair!! Justin isn't convinced Duncan is his because he doesn't look anything like him. Every time there is a new nurse they look at him and me and say, "So that's where all the blonde hair comes from." One even asked me if I was a natural blonde. I wanted to ask her if her gray hairs were her natural hair color. Yes, it is my natural color. A lot of people think he looks like my dad, and he does, but he also looks a lot like my grandpa Cothrun.
He is just so cute. And he loves his Nana, Papa and Aunt Suzi. I think he is starting to recognize their voices. He loves his cousin Aubree too and he will open his eyes for her one day soon. :)

Roller Coaster

You know, it took me years to really enjoy roller coasters. I hated going on them when I was a kid and I would usually sit and wait for my family while they rode. Then as I got older I discovered that they weren't so bad, and I actually started to enjoy them. Now I am on the worst Roller Coaster ride ever, and it is going to keep going until Duncan is home, and then it will probably continue until he has been home a while.

Our little guy keeps having up and down days. Yesterday he was having a hard time breathing. He had a little episode that really freaked me out. His lungs are just so little and they take time to grow. The Dr. (the one I like better) was there and she said that lungs grow until we are 8 years old, (makes sense) and it is long process. We have to be patient. I hate that I have to be patient, I want him to grow and get better right now. But it won't happen like that and I will have to learn to be patient. We now know that he loves to be on his tummy. This is his favorite position to be in. He is gaining weight. He is at 1lb. 14oz and they have increased his feeding to 2cc's every 3 hours. He is doing well, the hole in his heart is closed and we hope that it will stay closed. I have to stay postive, it is hard at times, but I know he is going to be okay. It is just scary when you see him not doing well.

Please keep praying for Duncan and pray for him that his lungs will grow and develop so that he can go off the oxygen.

New Template

I hope you like my change. I had to do something different, something that was a little brighter and more cheerful to me. I like the colors. For some reason green right now is my favorite color.

A few thoughts

So, yesterday was not a great day for me. Duncan had a good day, but for me it was a little depressing. I had to go to the Dr. to have my incision looked at. While I was there the nurse was asking me a lot of questions about how I felt and I'm just thinking, how does one NOT get depressed when going through this. She told me if I started to feel a lot of "Baby Blues" to call and let them know. It's hard to be at the Dr. anyway because I really miss being pregnant. I really feel like I was cheated of the full experience. It was really hard the first few days. I didn't even want to put my maternity clothes on, it was really hard to put them on and there was no belly to fill in the front of the shirt. I still have clothes that have tags on them because I didn't have a chance to wear them.

Then I go to the hospital and Duncan is doing well. The thing is that the Dr. comes and talks to me, and I understand that Dr.'s don't want to give families false hope and they have to tell you all the possible outcomes, but really, I understand what could happen and that he is going to have down days. She tells me a good thing and then follows it up with 3 things that could happen. For example here is what she told me yesterday, it went something like this: "I"m really happy with what he is doing, his settings are a little high but that is to be expected. He wasn't given the best medicines at the other hospital and you didn't get a steroid shot, but he is doing well for his size." Then "now we just have to be concerned with infections such as pneumonia. We don't want him to get that(duh). He is doing really well with the food, he seems to tolerate it, but that could change and we might have to take him off and on it several times. We took the line out of his arm because his hands were looking white and babies have been known to loose fingers because of this!!!" WHAT!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!! This is why I would rather not talk to the Dr. and just the nurses. I have been told that she is the best Dr., but if anything falls off my baby there will be a lawsuit.

It is so emotionally draining. I have a lot of feelings of guilt and I'm still recovering from surgery. I just want this summer to go by quickly so I can take my baby home.

Sleepy boy

We recorded Duncan sucking on his pacifier. He really enjoys his binky when he is trying to go to sleep. He also holds onto it. He keeps his hands close to his face and ears and sometimes when he doesn't have a binky, he sucks on his fingers.

Super Baby

Today Duncan got his first pacifier. He loved it! As soon as she put it in his mouth he started sucking on it. The nurse thought it would really help to keep him calm.

Our first family picture. Not exactly where I would like it to be taken, but it will do for now.

I bought this bib the day before Mothers day. My mom, sister Suzi and my niece Aubree and I went to Scottsdale for two reasons, to register at Babies R Us and go to this really cool maternity clothes store called Destination Maternity, my mother-in-law gave me gift cards for there, and they sale some baby clothes and they had this bib. I had to buy it. If you don't know Justin is a huge Superman fan, so I thought his son needed it. Now I'm so glad I got it for him, because he is Super Baby.

He gave us a little scare yesterday. They had to put him on an Oscillator breathing machine. X-rays showed that he wasn't getting enough oxygen to his lungs so they put him on that machine and they thought that he would be on it for a couple of days or weeks, but they took him off of it in the middle of the night. When I got to the hospital and saw him on that machine I freaked out a little. It was shaking his chest and it looked so scary. Justin called his cousin and he came to the hospital and they gave him a blessing. I think it was what he needed. They told us when Duncan went to the St. Joe's that he had a hole in his heart, and the last couple of days they have been giving him medication to close the hole. An Eco showed that the hole was closing, and I think that is what caused the problems yesterday. Today the nurse practitioner said she thought that the hole closing is what caused yesterdays episode as well because the hole closing changes everything that is going on in his little chest. My mom says he has to let us know he is the boss. The thing is that even when I was in labor and scared and I was scared seeing Duncan yesterday I always get this feeling and the same thing goes through my mind, "he is going to be okay, everything is going to be fine," and I feel peace. I know that Heavenly Father is looking out for him and I truly believe that he is going to be fine.

Today he had an awesome day nurse, Monica. She let us change his diaper and I got to clean his eyes and mouth. I also got to pick him up and hold him while she moved his "nest" around. She was so nice and informative. I just love our little peanut. He opens his eyes and looks at us and I just talk to him and let him know I am there. I love watching Justin with him. He always watches the nurses care for him and asks if what their doing is going to hurt him, is the tape being pulled too tight,etc. Justin has been a trooper through all of this. He took 2 weeks off work so he could be with us, he was at the hospital all day with Duncan when I was in the hospital and he goes at times when I can't. He loves his son so much. He told me the other night that he knows Duncan hasn't been with us that long, but he just couldn't imagine our family without him. See, he does have a soft side to that rough exterior.

Eyes open

Duncan opened his eyes for us while we were holding him. He is so adorable. He kept looking at us and he would close his eyes and then open them to make sure we were still there. Justin was standing over me and Duncan kept looking at him trying to find the voice. I can't wait until he can come off the oxygen and everyone can see his cute little mouth. We are excited to go today and hold him kangaroo style.

A good day

We went to see Duncan today and we were so excited when they asked us if we wanted to hold him. Of course we want to hold him. They had to get him all ready for us to hold and then they placed him in my arms. It was so amazing. He is so little. He kept looking at me and Justin. He would close his eyes then open them again like he was checking to make sure we were still there. He is so sweet and precious to us and we love him so much. He still has a long way to go, please keep praying for him.

Wearing Daddy's Ring

The Dr. asked Justin for his wedding ring and she put it on his wrist. It was to show just how small he is. It looks like a bracelet on his arm.

Duncan Liam Isaac

It looks intense, but when you are next to him it isn't that bad. The IV that is in his scalp is now gone. His feet were bruised really bad because they were in the birth canal. Justin and I can put our hands in and touch him. We have been able to change his diaper too.

Unexpected

There are a few things that we always expect. We expect that when we wake up in the morning the sun will be up, we expect that people driving on the freeway know how to actually drive on the freeway (well sort of). There are however, things in life that come at us unexpectedly.

Our pregnancy was unexpected only because we had been trying for so long with no success. When we found out we were pregnant, Justin and I were so overjoyed. I expected to have a normal pregnancy. I didn't expect acid reflux, or horrible back pain. But I did expect to have a healthy baby boy in August. I should realize from other life events that when I expect something, it usually doesn't turn out the way I want it to go. Things were going well. I had no indication that things would not go well. My ultra sound appointment didn't show that there were any problems, on the contrary everything looked normal. This is when I Should expect things to take a wicked turn. Nothing in my life has ever gone as planned for me.

On Wednesday May 13th things were normal. I went to work, had a normal work day, didn't feel sick or any inordinate pains. That night Justin and I watched t.v. and things were normal. Then at about 10:30pm things started to not be so normal, only I didn't know they were not normal. I started having sharp pains in my lower abdomen and I just chalked it up to be normal stretching pains. This continued for about an hour. I thought they would go away. I was going to the bathroom a lot, but that isn't really out of the ordinary when I am trying to go to bed. But the pains wouldn't go away, and then at about 12am things started to go south. The pains then started to go to my lower back and they were painful. I went to the bathroom and this time I inadvertently turned on the light. When I got up I saw blood! "This can't be happening!" is all that ran through my mind. I ran and got Justin and told him he had to take me to the hospital right now, I was bleeding. He jumped up and got dressed. We jumped in the car and I asked him which hospital he was taking me to and he said the closest one, which was West Valley Hospital.

When we got there, Justin and I quickly went into the ER and I told the nurse that I was 25 weeks pregnant and bleeding. She rushed us through the doors into the admitting area and I have never seen a person admit someone so fast. The lady at the desk was shouting orders and printing papers and having me sign things. Justin ran to move the car and by the time he got back she almost had me admitted. She had them bring a wheel chair but the pain was intense now that I couldn't sit down. She yelled for a bed and the lady put me on it and wheeled me to an exam room.

The pain, oh the pain. I have never felt pain like this. It was so intense, I was going to the bathroom, throwing up. I couldn't lay on my back. The nurse was trying to hook me up to a monitor and I just couldn't lay on my back. Finally, she was able to get it all hooked up and we could hear the baby's heart beating. Some Relief. Then she examined me and quickly said, "I need to get a second opinion." and rushed off and then came another nurse. She said I was fully dilated and they weren't going to be able to stop this. The baby is going to be born tonight. This was very unexpected. Justin and I looked at each other and I could see panic in his eyes. We couldn't believe this was happening.

I was rushed up to a delivery room and prepped. I asked if I could have an epidural and they said no. I thought, "This is going to hurt a lot." They asked me a bunch of questions and finally the doctor rushed in. He said they were going to air vac me to another hospital, but decided not to and they were going to air vac the baby to St. Joseph's after he was born. They got me ready to deliver and broke my water. I thought the pain was going to get intense, but it really didn't. The Dr. told me to push and I said, "I don't know how, I don't know what I'm doing!" The nurse said like you are going to the bathroom. It really hurt, but I tried. The Dr. Said to stop and asked for the ultra sound machine. He looked and the baby was breach. He said they would have to do a c-section.

They were getting me prepped and getting the team together and waiting for the air vac team to get there. Then they said they were going to give me an epidural. That was so not fun. The guy couldn't get it, and after several minutes of him poking me with a needle in my back, not just my back, but my spin, he said he couldn't get it and they would have to put me out. They rolled me into the operating room and the Dr. told him no, give her a spinal I don't want her out. So he did and it took right away. After several minutes at 3:27am Duncan Liam Isaac was born weighing only 1lb 12oz. When I woke up in the recovery room, my sister was standing next to me. My parents were at my grandma's getting ready to go to Oklahoma. They got there shortly after Duncan was born. I spent several days in the hospital recovering with my family around me. Justin was at the hospital with Duncan, which gave me some peace knowing he was there.

Our brave little boy is now at St. Josephs Hospital in NYICU fighting to stay strong. He is so beautiful and adorable. He has white blonde hair all over, and if he had gone full term he would have had even more hair than he does now. Today he opened his eyes. He looked at me and my heart melted. I know that he is a fighter. For the short time he was in my belly, he kicked, moved and at time felt like he was punching me. He is strong and I have total faith that he is going to be okay. I know that he could have his down days and there is still a long road ahead, but I pray everyday that Heavenly Father will bless him and keep him strong.

Thank you all who have been so supportive at this time. I can't even tell you how much it means to mean that immediately people called the Temples all over and put our names on the prayer roll. Please keep praying for our baby boy.

Field Trip

The fifth grade went on their one and only field trip of the year finally! My class was starting to wonder if they were ever going to get a field trip this year. We went to the Pioneer Living History Village. We study westward expansion and this is as close as you can get to that. I wish we could have taken a trip to Boston to visit all the Revolutionary historic sites. My class loves when I talk about how I have been to all these places we study. But this will have to do and it was a fun trip and the weather was perfect for the day. The yellow house is my favorite thing to look at while we are there. I just love it. I didn't post pictures of the students, I didn't think it was a good idea, but here is one of me and my teaching buddy Sartiano. I'm a Boston fan and she is a die hard Yankee's fan. What a combination. We get along great and have fun with our jobs.

C is for Cookie and Cookies for Me!

Food has not been as fun to eat lately as it was before. Actually, I really only had about a month to really enjoy food. Acid reflux really stinks. It has really limited things I can eat. I can't have chocolate. That has really been hard. I wanted cookies really bad today so I made White Chocolate Macadamia nut cookies. I couldn't find my really, really good cookie recipe, so I used the Nestle one. It isn't bad, but I like my other recipe better, but it will do for now. I will be eating cookies for a week or maybe longer, we'll see how long they last.

Baby is Growing

I realized I haven't put pictures on in a little while and I have a few that I need to catch up on. Here is my belly at the beginning of my 6th month. We went to our big ultra sound and they said he was 14oz. and everything was normal. I'm really hoping he isn't a huge baby, but I'm a little nervous after finding out Justin was an 8lb. baby. I really don't want to have a C-section, but I'm not sure how I feel about birthing a baby that big. Later that week Justin and I went to my parents house and there was a box waiting for me. It was from my sister-in-law in Boston, Elisabeth. It was full of adorable baby boy clothes. She had a few things wrapped and these onsies were included. They are sooo cute. I love them. Elisabeth made these and I love the one with the 'd' for Duncan and the scottie (I love all of them, but there my favorite).

'Wicked' Awesome

I am sooo very excited!! My mom bought us tickets to see Wicked. My sister and her daughter went last year and loved it so I am very excited to go. I love going to the theater, it is so fun. Thanks mom, can't wait.